Post by RisingPhoenix on Nov 10, 2013 1:35:42 GMT -5
There are other things that I should be doing right now. I have been absent for awhile trying to juggle kids, school, dogs, chronic pain, and a man. The man is the hardest issue of all. This particular man I remember laying eyes on when I was about 10 or 11. He is three years older than myself, yet at the time he was nursing a 24oz can of Schlitz. I looked at this guy and I thought to myself “he is so beautiful”. Let me clarify something…I believe that men can be beautiful. Some men are attractive, sexy, gorgeous etc. I believe beautiful is the highest form of all of these things because this is the man that is all of these things and then some because he doesn’t even realize he is all of these things. So I’ll continue…this guy of course I could not talk to because I was way too young. However later on while I was in the middle of dating a guy he expressed interest in me and I dropped that poor guy like a hot potato. We shared one kiss. He would call I would come running…even driving with a car that had faulty brakes. One night we were at my parents house and we were supposed to spend time…necking?? in my car but he told me he was going to run across the street to his cousins and he would be right back. I sat there a nineteen-year-old girl just waiting to be felt up by her dream guy. And I sat…and I sat…and I sat…he never returns. Fast forward 16 years and tonight this very thing happens again! Yet this time he practically lives in my home. We had a family outing…so to speak. My father was just discharged from the hospital and he came along to help my stepmother and I with getting things done for my father to get home safe and sound. We get home and he ducks across the street. And never returns. My father calls the neighbors house…his aunt by the way and he tells her to relate to my dad, that he has a way home and to tell me to go ahead home!!! Really? Seriously?? How in the world did you get hooked back up with this guy you may say. Well his family thought I would be a good influence upon him because I am what you call a “good girl”. My love interest is just getting out of prison after 7 years and has spent most of his life in said system. I have been trying to be a positive influence on his life since September 17 when he has slowly torn my world to shreds. Tonight I gave up…threw in the towel…and I wrote “Actions”. I realized that you can tell someone you love him or her all day but if you don’t show it, at the end of the day it really doesn’t mean anything. I have shown love everyday possible to Lamont. Because I really do love him. I cannot say that I am in love with him because I do not fully understand being in love, the way I thought I did. Someone say that being in love means never having to say, “I’m sorry” well I am not so sure about that. I would say being in love means saying I’m sorry for what I’ve done and then not repeating the action that prompting the apology in the first place. My previous boyfriend also a repeat (my oldest son’s father) I’m not saying I will never hurt you but I will never hurt you intentionally. To me that sounds like a cop out. As a matter of fact to get the correct word formation I had to call him and he professed love for me again. He even told my current boyfriend that he was a fool to let me go and not to be a fool like him and yet what happens….he does the most foolish thing ever and leaves me right in front of my parents for eight hours and counting. He just calls and asks me where I am at like I was supposed to be sitting there and waiting for him and guess what I am doing when he calls…talking on the phone to Steve (my oldest son’s father). I think I mentioned that. I am in some craziness right now so I decide to write it all out. Please enjoy “Actions” by yours truly. Till next time.
