But he was feeling me doe...

[RisingPhoenix]

I am the only one I know who can have a man planning a marriage in one night and either harass me for weeks or drop me in minutes. No one can tell I am bipolar until I slip up by mistake or they can see it on my Facebook on Instagram. I was chatting with about the only gentleman I have ever found from being on Mocospace. I usually just troll the chat rooms. Did I mention I love ticking people off? I think they're gross so I let them know in the most irritating way possible and its fun for me. Anywho, I talk to this gentlemen who claims is green eyes are real, whatevs and as I stated he kept on going on about how we are going to do this and that and the third and that I am the only normal woman he has spoken to. Laying it on thick about you are too good to be true, how are you single? I wasn't about to tell him about the bipolar disorder because really it has nothing to do with anything. Except for that little thing called detachment. I developed that during my marriage. My husband's actions caused me to develop an I don't care attitude. I care in my own way and I vent about it in my writing but I'm not going to let a man know I care about what he is doing because they will keep bending you until you break. I also have a 3 call rule when I am dating someone too. I don't harass, stalk, plea, or beg. But if I like you enough I might write about how I wished things had worked out. In this instance this guy and I talked for about two hours decided to exchange both Facebook and Instagram information. Why did I do that? My weakness are Sasquatches. Tall hairy men. Anything 6foot and up and I am in to it. What happened after that? My Instagram is written for my being a Spoonie. And I am proud of my group. I have all of my illnesses written on it. What is the first one? Bipolar disorder. After that he never called back and he only liked two pics. But the silver lining is this. He was not as humble as he seemed. He had all kinds of pics of money in like 15 of his 30 pics. The others had shirts with profanity on it. And I thought he said he didn't have kids. Who were those two kids in the rest of the pics. Lol! Oh well its not my problem. I am who I am and at the end of the day I would have been willing to accept his faults. I don't like it when people love money versus just respect the fact that its necessity. And I don't like men referring to women as b word. But I would have brought it up in conversation. Why not ask me what bipolar is? How does it affect me as well as how it would affect him if we were to have something in the future? Ahh,that would be too much like right...

[Omen]

When I was young, I watched Star Wars 107 times. Each time I saw it, I hoped that Darth Vader wasn’t Luke’s father. What I realized was pretty simple…

“If you put the same movie in the VHS tape player, you’ll always end up with the same story.” It was kinda’ like visiting the same Blockbuster, back in the days, and seeing the same movies… except on New Release day. They were usually already rented out, forcing me to the same ole’ sections of the store in order to see the same ole’ movies that I already knew were there.

Not sounding mean… but I was overwhelmed with that same feeling when I read this.

Life is a brutal buddy. It’s supposed to be brutal, because it makes the good days even better. Bad times are promised, while good times are made.

It seems that each time you plan to take your journey for peace and happiness, you keeping packing the same tools that don’t work and going to the same campsites in the darkest of woods. From this, you continually encounter the same rodents, snakes, wolves, and bears.

If you don’t bring matches, you will find it more difficult to light your way. If you never take the time to learn how to rub sticks together, then it becomes even more difficult to create a campfire. If you don’t bring food, what are you going to eat?

The lesson from all of this..?

SLOW DOWN. Try taking some time to do something different, for a change. Plan you trip by figuring out what you’re truly going to need. Learn about the location the campsite is in and the environment that you’re going to stay in.

If you jump from website to website… remember, the internet doesn’t have a DELETE button. All you’re doing is adding more and more information about yourself for others to find. We are in the ‘Info’ age… which is vastly different than the ‘Information’ age.

Everyone is researching everyone they meet. The internet is the Wild West when it comes to mis-information and forgotten crumbs of information that a person has left sitting somewhere. When people search your name, depending on how determined they are… they continue to click beyond the first 2 pages of Google just to find a crumb of info about you that you may have forgotten.

As you keep going out to interact… you leave more and more of yourself out there to be found. In the industry, we call people like that, ‘Online Whores’. Please don’t take that as something directed to you, I am merely informing you of the new terms and categories that are now coming into existence that applies to ALL of us.

As the presence of Online Whores is growing, you will notice that serious people looking for relationships tend to treat those of that type… differently. Remember, back in High School how people treated the guy that was the school ‘Dog’ or the girl who was the school ‘Tramp’? Well, guess what?

This is now happening online in cyberspace. This is why cyberbullying has grown. Every category and aspect that we encountered in our high school generation is now crawling it way into the virtual world.

----

You have GOT to start with ‘SELF’ first. A man cannot give you what you don’t have! Love cannot give you what you don’t have! Love is a product to be made within yourself, while a man is nothing more than the person that you may choose to give it to.

If you track your online image (I found some stuff on you posted a few years ago on some unknown site, when you were apparently married or something), it portrays much about you that I know doesn’t cover your depth.

This is important because it makes you look like a person who is caught up more on the fantasy of Love and Relationship FAR more than strengthening yourself. Weak men (the classic, ‘Shallow Male’) are like vultures, they look at that as a vulnerability. Strong men view women like that as, ‘Emotional Vampires’. This leaves the woman SCREWED no matter which way she turns.

It has nothing to do with the kids, your ailments, how you look, or whatever. For the man, it simply comes down to what he is getting into. If a person is struggling to make it in life, would they want a relationship with one that is going to drain more out of them emotionally?

Here’s an EXTREME example:

Would a woman want a man who HATES himself?

A man who hates himself tends to make poor decisions when it comes to himself and his life, after-all, how much does a person work to take care of a pair of old shoes? These poor decisions add-up to a poor-outcome and a poor life.

Men like this, often seek stronger women to leech off of emotionally. This is when they try to play the ‘bad-boy’ stuff, work to get the 6-pack stomach, portray the thug-life image, or ‘act’ like they’re a success. Emotionally… they are CRAP.

As soon as they 'pull' the woman, they begin to drain her emotionally. He becomes determine to pull her down to his level, whether it is conscious or subconscious, to prove to her that she is not better than him and to prove to himself that he is more.

The relationship crumbles overtime, because a house can’t stand on a foundation made of mud… EVEN if the builder is Love.

He needed to build himself first. He needed to love himself first. He needed to build his life around nurturing that love so that more would grow in his garden of life. And ONLY after that garden has produced a crop of love, does he have something worthy to offer another.

'Respect is a gift to be given and a present to be earned... much the same as Love!' -Omen

[RisingPhoenix]

Thanks. I will leave my personal life off of here from now on but thanks.

[The Muse]

Phoenix, you don't have to stop talking about your personal life here. Omen was only trying to help. But until someone has to deal with a health condition such as yours in their OWN life, most people can't relate.

I used to automatically think that someone with Schizophrenia was crazy. Then my husband developed it. I have learned a great deal about mental illnesses since then.

They really are no different than any other health issue, like diabetes for example. Your body simply either doesn't make any or at least doesn't make enough of something it needs to function properly. Therefore medication and/or lifestyle changes (like eating habits)need to be changed. For a diabetic, their pancreas no longer produces enough insulin.

For someone with something like schizophrenia or bi-polar disorder, instead of a digestive chemical, the body doesn't produce the right amount of the applicable neuro-transmitter.

The only REAL difficulty with ailments like yours and that of my husband, is the ignorance of the general population and the stigma that goes with it. It is my hope that if you are patient, together we can help everyone who comes here see that you are no different from any of the rest of us, just because you have a health issue.

Just so you know, Omen has some background with internet security training...so his comments were really only based in the concerns that anything and everything we share on the internet CAN be found. He wasn't trying to tell you not to talk about your life. He was only explaining the inherent hazards that go with talking about it online. :)He is kinda paranoid that way.

But please keep talking. That's why we have the chat threads, because everyone needs a place to vent.

I'm sorry I didn't see your comment sooner. But since we have the newer forum format, the new posts are often buried in their sections. I miss the page that used to list all of the newest posts comments....*sigh* I would have said these things to you a few days ago!