The Game - Where are you in HIS car?

[Omen]

Welcome back to the ‘DARK’ world of… The Game! In this series, I simplify the thought processes of the classic ‘Shallow Male and the Player’. These rules are GENERAL. They are NOT law… but for those caught up in The Game this is the aspect that separates them.

The Shallow Male follows these rules sub-consciously and tries to break them, only to become another victim of their consequences.

The Player lives by these rules as though they were the second coming of the Bible and only second to the Gangster handbook written from the words and actions of Al Pachino’s SCARFACE movie!

In ANY great story written, both of these character types are important, but the Shallow Male is CRITICAL. He opens the door to mistakes, screw-ups, ignorance, and realization through the broken heart. The Player is often the confident suave guy who can play the hero or villain equally well. He’s handy to use, but not critical to every story.

In this episode, I cover the simplicity of where a man in The Game places the women in his life and how he chooses where to place them.

Within the creepy world of The Game and existence… your life is equivalent to a vehicle traveling on the road. The type of vehicle is based on the way you live and your attitude towards life. This is PERFECT for character building because vehicles are objects that readers can refer to.

If you have a guy whose life is dictated by labor, you can see him in a van, a business man… a Mercedes, a movie star… a Ferrari… etc.

The vehicle type also dictate’s what types of women your character attracts.

Both the Shallow man and the Player knows this, with the only difference being that the Player is AWARE! He makes plans BASED on this.

A car has ONE passenger seat and a backseat. For both of these types of characters, the math is pretty simple:

Any woman they meet is either IN their car of life or OUT their car. Period!

Within their car, a woman is either IN the backseat or the passenger seat. Only ONE woman can be in the passenger seat… so that is usually reserved for the ‘Main Squeeze’ or his wife. The backseat is for all of his mistresses, one-night stands, and ‘quick-hit’ booty-calls.

Mistresses are usually the deadliest of the ‘backseat crew’ because they are always planning and strategizing how to get to the front seat.

This has been used repeatedly in many stories and movies. Some writers exclude mistresses from their Backseat Crews because it strengthens the image of the male lead as a Player instead of a Shallow Male. As stated earlier, a Player LIVES by the rules of the game and would NOT allow him to get stuck in the position in which he is dealing with a mistress.

Mistresses are DEADLY because they allow their hearts to get involved.

An example of this is James Bond. He is a Player who has multiple one-night stands and Quick-Hits (women he has sex with on a constant basis in which they view it as only that) but they don’t write in mistresses. A mistress can change the ENTIRE plot of a story, in that they MUST be dealt with. They use this same techique with Indiana Jones, as well as Captain Kirk. The do NOT write in mistresses!

Shallow Males allow Quick-Hits to evolve into mistresses. Once this happens, the war for the passenger seat becomes INEVITABLE. This is also WHY the Shallow Male is SO critical to a great story.

Women that are OUT of the car in life are broken into two distinct categories:

One’s you pass on the highways of life (Passerbys, also referred to as 'Pass-HER-bys) and one’s that frequent the places the Shallow Male and the Player visit. For the Shallow and the Player… those who fit the latter of this duo are referred to as FRIENDS.

The Shallow Man and the Player identify female Friends by location, event, or by some strong physical component. Periodically, the Shallow Male will try to lure a Friend into his car, hoping to get her to at least the backseat. This is often a relationship tester or breaker.

The Player, who adheres to the rules, NEVER invites a Friend into his car unless he is seriously considering her for the passenger seat only. This allows him to feel that he has some type of morals even amongst the hearts that he’s broken.

This is also WHY Player stories that result in them falling in love are so moving.

Stay tuned for more of the dark secrets about The Shallow Male and the Player within the world of The Game…

-Omen

[The Muse]

This has to be the most singularly Unique description of the male psyche I have ever seen.


WELL DONE!

It completely and defines the male perspective in the game. I LOVE the (pardon the pun) car being the vehicle for the premise of this.

Front seat, back seat....very accurate.

Most impressive, all in all.

[The Muse]

This does however beg the question.....

What type of woman is it to make the Player get rid of the backseat altogether?

While it isnt as common anymore...there are always exceptions. When does the Player cease to play and still manage not to become the Shallow man?

[Omen]

Intriguing that you would wonder that.

When a Player leaves The Game, he no longer seeks the audience to define his qualities. This is not something that comes easy or natural when leaving that world. It is usually something that come from fatigue, suffering, and enlightenment.

He learns the secret arts that the 'Good' man has known for ages...

He learns Responsibity and Accountability.

Every MORTAL is born with at least 2 of the Deadly Sins... but NOT all strive to learn and grow the Cardinal Virtues. Sins were promised to us... Virtues have to be earned through sacrifice, discipline, and training.

This is why it is also important to include this in your story when creating characters.

The Shallow Man lives within the boundaries of his Deadly Sins ignorantly. He learns Virtues through an epiphany of some sort.

The Player is a master at embracing his Deadly Sins. He learns Virtues through pain.

The Good Man suffers because of his Deadly Sins. He strives to strengthen his Virtues; for they are his weapons against Sin.

The Good Man needs no audience.

-Omen

[The Muse]

But It sounds a great deal like the GOOD MAN adheres to the old codes of Chivalry. He puts me in mind of Knights in shining armor, virtue held close to their hearts, striving to fight their sinful tendencies ...

The Good Man may not NEED an audience, But he WOULD make a shining example of a hero.

You mentioned that the Good Man suffers because of his sins...so that means he is not exempt from sin. You also mentioned that he has LEARNED Responsibility and Accountablility, which alludes to some (possibly) painful lessons in his past.

The Good Man is not a PERFECT man. He is as human as the Shallow man and the Player. It is only that he has actually striven to FIGHT his inborn imperfections that classify every human being as a sinner.

It is interesting that you mentioned sins.....The meaning of the word sin in its original language means "To miss the mark". We all fall short of the mark of perfection that we were originally created with...there for we all sin. Thats why we have unkind thoughts and urges that are improper, its the effect of sin.

The Good Man (or Good woman, for that matter) Has come to recognise these tendencies and FIGHTS them.

So, While I most definitely agree that, in and of himself, the good man doesnt need an audience, I think he can be a very interesting character to be used in writing. He can be just as conflicted and full of angst as the Shallow man...but he is more cognizant of why and therefore fights against it. The complexities of this kind of character could make for a great story.

[Omen]

Remember, every man has been, is, or will be a Shallow Man, because Shallow Man qualities are as lasting as Sin itself.

The Player merely makes the choice to play the game. while Good Man qualities are always temporary.

Some struggle to keep them for a day, others a month, and a select few for years... but they are ALWAYS temporary.

They must be practiced, and the very nature of practice includes failure in order to get better.

Otherwise, Virtues would be a Sin.

[The Muse]

Yes, they must be practiced.....but I dont agree that they are ALWAYS temporary. I believe that they can be permanent.

Yes you would have to fight to keep them, but it IS possible.

[Omen]

If something is not a natural part of you, given with the right to life... how can it ever be permanent?

An athlete that strives for perfection and wins a gold medal in the Olympics cannot remain razor sharp for life... even with practice. Sooner or later they will drop in performance and their skills would become 'legacy'.

Being the best is NOT promised in life... this fact alone makes it temporary. It is what give it magic. It is what makes it something to strive for.

This is also why Sin is so distant from Virtues. Sin is promised with your very first breath in life. Virtues are earned. Sin is ALWAYS there lurking behind the weakening and failure of any Virtue. Virtue is subject to exhaustion, boredom, and lost of faith.

Sin isn't. It always exists. Hence, Virtues can only be temporary. They are as fleeting as the last breath you took in order to sustain your next few seconds of life. They are ALWAYS tested and challenged, but they are NEVER guaranteed to prevail.

[The Muse]

I agree that sin is always present....but unlike a PHYSICAL condition, virtues are non-corporeal. As long as you have the ability to think and reason, you have the ability to CHOOSE to hold those virtues.

When you no longer have them, it is because you CHOSE not to.

[Omen]

You are ABSOLUTELY correct. Your original premise was about the permanence of it. Are Virtues permanent or temporary?

My stance is that they are temporary.

Can I permanently be good?
Can I permanently do well?
Can I permantently be positive?
Can I permanently be fair?

Even if I chose to EVERYTIME?

If this 'was' possible, what impact would that have on a person and on society as a whole? What impact would it have on love and a relationship?

Virtues are earned from practice. Practice implies failure in order to grow. Growth leads to change. Can change EVER be permanent?

The conflict between Sins and Virtues is what gives us our individuality with change and evolution acting as the glue.

A man... a person... a character struggling to keep their Virtues amongst the endless challenges of Sin inspires all around watching their turmoil. It is the failures that we identify with. We use them to connect to their essence – to connect to their soul. It is perseverance and determination that drives them to rise up from their failures in order to push on to their goals. This is what makes them heroes.

This is what makes a woman fall in love with the Good Man.

It does not guarantee that the love will be forever, but for that brief instance she knows what he is capable of. Over time, as his goals fade and his drive decreases, he finds that struggle is no longer needed to continue in life. He may NOT be bad, but Sin, which is ALWAYS present, finds a way to worm itself back into his life.

He looks twice at an attractive woman; he confides in her.

He gambles one more time than never and becomes angered that much easier than controlling it.

He can’t afford that extra present for his woman and lives through the visions of others who can.

He becomes frustrated with himself for the simple things that he used to do, that he can’t anymore.

All of this adds up. All of this affects his character.
The few Virtues that he had before to get through his issues are not as relevant to his new challenges… and it’s NOT easy to teach an old dog, new tricks. So this merely adds to his confusion. It becomes his internal rage! It affects his character.

The hero adapts. He searches the Virtues that he knows and works to strengthen them while studying new ones to become his new weapons against his current Sin. It is the magic of non-permanence that allows him to grow and acquire these new tools.

It is this NEW struggle that brings him back to life and inspires the new generation in his life. It brings clarity and focus to his turmoil allowing him to find a new goal. It defines him in a new way and it makes the love felt by the woman who guided him and supported him through it, that much stronger.

Love finds a way and once again, it affects his character.

This is WHY the Good Man is eternal within great stories, while the Shallow Man is CRITICAL.

[The Muse]

Im not argueing any of that.

I just know that what you see as IMPOSSIBLE, IS by all accounts POSSIBLE.......I have seen it first hand. I do not mean that sin is no longer present in these.. I mean that they have successfully fought long battles over many years to maintain said virtues...

But it IS NOT a common thing.

You are absolutely correct though, Good Man is eternal in those stories, but Shallow Man IS critical.

[Omen]

Met a guy a little while ago who went through a divorce and was truly lost to the reason why. When asked about his ex-wife, he wasn't sure if he felt felt hate, resentment, or lingering love... but the battle to split all that they had took its toll. The process took a couple of months and he started back at the gym, lost a bunch of weight and hit the dating scene again. He became the Shallow Man while lying to himself about his depth.

He became happier with his new role.

I met a woman who broke up with her long-term boyfriend because he couldn't leave the backseat girls alone. When she became fed up, she left him and started her life over (if that's truly possible). While lying to herself about her need for a good man with depth... she spent her time enjoying the Shallow Men because of how they made her feel.

We've been friends for a while and occasionally I ask her about all of this and she is pretty much honest. She told me that it was hard to let go of the hurt that she felt and she knew that she didn't want that anymore. She didn't want to keep dating different men, so her solution was to find the best of both worlds.

She chose a 'taken' man. She started as the creature she hated... a backseat girl and justified it by ignoring all feelings. The last time I spoke to her, she'd become a mistress, but respected the 'rules' of the game and was happy with what she could get.

She told me that those who didn't understand would always be quick to judge. While those who felt what she went through quietly outnumbered them in masses. She said that women are private... VERY private when it comes to their true feelings.

She said that most complain about finding the man with the depth, but it is usually the Shallow Man that wins them first!

I was like... 'door!'

[The Muse]

Women have this probelem of thinking they can "change" those shallow men into good men, just because they hope that in someway they are "better" than all those "other" backseaters" . I think you hit it on the head when you said something about self-deception. It seems to be key for all of the players of the game. It is sad how the tremendously unhappy pretend to be happy and pretend that they dont care.
Its even sadder that they get that way trying to forget about hurts and all it does is hurt them more.

[The Muse]

It souns to me like the guy you met at the gym had a SERIOUS lack of communication in his marriage, which would ultimately be why it failed.

As to your friend....she (sadly) came to believe that being the backseater was the only way to get what she (thinks?) she wants. She has ceased to take pride in herself and and has lowered her standards to chase something elusive. I fear she will never TRUELY find what she wants this way....that breaks my heart.

[The Muse]

I suppose we also have to include in this thread those women that Drive as well ;D because there ARE some who have men in THEIR car!

[Omen]

I was just about to recommend this post as a resource for another one under the CHAT section and stumbled across the last post on it about 'Women and their cars'.

It is true that these very same rules can be applied to women also (with small variations, of course), although the focus of the article was The Shallow Male.

Here's the thing...

When two people meet and they're driving their own 'cars' of life, they can choose to stop to meet one another... we usually call that, first-contact, or eye-contact, or whatever.

Both take the time to study the other driver and their vehicle and have to ask themselves if there is an interest in the driver or what is being driven. If so, the cars will stop and an encounter will be made.

Once that happens, both will leave their vehicles to talk and get to know one-another, this is called dating. What it truly is, to the Player, is the competition to see who is going to enter whom's car to continue on the road of life.

You see, a person can only be in one car at a time.

Sometimes, a man driving a 1989 Datsun will meet a woman driving a 1995 Corolla and see that as an upgrade to his outdated vehicle of life. He would gladly leave his Datsun to join her in her Corolla as an improvement.

This is why image is CRITICAL to the Player! he will spend himself into debt to drive a Cadillac, Volvo, or whatever, knowing that his target are women driving vehicles less than his.

Once the 'dating' process is complete, the person who has chosen to ride with the driver either enters the Passenger seat, the Backseat, or goes back to their own vehicle.

The Passengers usually have input on the detination of the drive, while the Backseaters are there just to enjoy the short ride to whatever destination until they can hop back out to their vehicle.

That is, until they get bored again, and want to take another short ride.

OR even worse... until they become a MISTRESS.

This part of The Game works for men and women, the only difference is if you're dealing with the SHALLOW version or a PLAYER.

[The Muse]

So where do gigolos and "scrubs" fit in? You know the guys that DONT have cars, are looking to sponge of the women, wanting a "sugar momma" if you want to call it that...

In that case the woman becomes the driver.

But where does the story go with those guys?

Im curious about this because it seems like the more pervasive drug addictions become, the more common this seems to be. The addict becomes the person striving to get into someones car. *disclaimer* I am only saying "he" because I hear more and more circumstances of average women meeting these charming guys who end up being addicts and have learned to present another face to get into the car and then change once they get there. Although I know women can be the same way. *end disclaimer*

So how do you catagorize that? Or is it something that should be a whole differnt discussion?

[Omen]

Gigolos, scrubs, prostitutes, sugar-dads, sugar-mommas, etc. are all 'Backseaters'. They are there for a short ride, but not for the long trip.

The only people that tend to have exceptions to this rule are Family, but then again, they aren't a part of 'The Game' anyway. This scenario is based on those in The Game.

[Omen]

Can't say anything more... but, once again, this post has come into effect...

I use it as a Storytelling tool and it has saved me over-and-over.