To Ease The Pain: The Explanation

[RisingPhoenix]

There is a lot going on in my life as it is in all of our lives. But the thing is I do not live in your home and I am not a fly on your wall neither is anyone else in this world privy to what is going on in my life unless I choose to share it. Any of us who have suffered with certain situations or have say chemical imbalances in the brain that causes certain mole hills to become mountains only want a sympathetic listening ear. For those of us who have friends who have this privileged and insight into our lives if in fact we are just going through one of life's hurdles a firm push may be what we need but for those of us who have mental issues or chemical imbalances a firm shove could push us off of a ledge. This firm shove may not have the results you hoped that they would have. To tell someone that they are wallowing in self pity when they are under psychiatric treatment or counseling may be detrimental to their health if you are not a licensed therapists but just a friend who is tired of hearing about their plight. Self pity what the heck is that really? And could one really be wallowing in this self pity unbeknownst to them? Is self pity when an individual is disabled and cannot find a doctor who takes Medicaid? Is self pity when an individual has tried for over a year and is unsuccessful in finding work? Is self pity when they have to use government services and are looked down condescendingly by the employees of that agency? Because their pillows are tear soaked at night is this self pity...when they have tried everything that they can possibly think off...called every number they could find...and still no results? Are they still wallowing in self pity? What would you expect someone to do once they have done all they could do and all you tell them to do is stop wallowing and do something about their situation? People have room to talk when they are the ones experiencing the situation and they are usually the first ones to shed tears when they become the victim of the situation. Some people have because they keep what they have citing if I give to you then I won't have for myself. Maybe I don't want what you have but if you could push me into the right direction so that I may have as well. It all becomes too much to bear because you get judgement passed on you by people who do not know your situation. Do you feel that just because a woman is on welfare she is trash? Did you open her file and see that she was disabled? May be it is that her parents were abusive and she did not have the same luxuries or opportunities as you did coming up. But you think she has done nothing to try to remedy her situation. So when it gets to much to bear and this pain sears through your very core. You ponder the unthinkable. Mental anguish causes extreme physical pain at times and when you feel no one understands and no one even gives a door you just want the pain to stop. But no one even listens. The world has not time. Everyone is for themselves and you are left to bear it alone. Just random thoughts.

[The Muse]

While it IS true that there are those who DO "wallow in self pity" and those who DONT choose to better there lives...there are many, MANY who are trapped in the way you discuss above. It is quite sad. It is even sadder the complete lack of understanding and empathy that so many have in this "Every Man For Himself" world.

It should be a GIANT red flag that acts of kindness become newsworthy, simply because they are SO rare.
Shouldnt the opposite be true? Shouldnt such kindnesses be common place?

I have been in the place where I needed the public assistance...I have had the one I love most become afflicted with one of those "chemical" imbalances. The stigma attached to it is incredible. It kills me to know that people look at you differently because of it.

I understand everything you have said. I don't sympathize, I EMPATHIZE. This is such a dark place to be. Being able to discuss such random thoughts is the first step towards dealing with them. And you are always welcome to discuss such thoughts here.

[RisingPhoenix]

Thank for understanding Muse. I appreciate that. I also want to thank you for allowing me to express myself here. Sometimes you just can't hold it in and it bursts out. This was one of those times. I appreciate it. Its almost like a virtual hug across cyberspace.

[Omen]

You opened a can of worms with this one… welcome to the darkness…

My Daddy told me a long time ago, “Everyone has a story to tell, it is that… NOT everyone wants to listen.” I learned how true it was as every day became shorter and age became my enemy.

We are the necessary evils. Without us, there could be no sad songs. There would never be any bad advice or mistakes to learn from. We are the trip, the fall, and the lack of recovery. We’re the ones that they are supposed to talk about, look beyond, and only show enough pity until they are bored. We are their gossip and the ones that let them know that they are doing better.

This is our purpose.

This is the purpose of all deviants. We’re NOT meant to be understood. We’re meant to struggle and fail. We are too fat. We are too skinny… too ugly, dark, short, tall, dumb, and/or different.

OF COURSE, we’re mentally imbalanced… I saw my first dead body before I met my first teenaged year. I used to sleep in my closet at night with my gun.

We’re screwed!!

But understand… we are SUPPOSED to be screwed! Daddy said that THIS is the price of living and the cost of life!!

You were the baby that survived… and so was I. we were the ones that gave our parents sleepless nights and worry. We provided their greatest encouragement and disappointments.

We are the bastards of life and the children of the strongest.

I’ve never been a favorite and there is no one that dislikes me more than me. I could always do better and I’m just too lazy, too fat, too angry, and too different to do it… SO, to piss myself off… I do it anyway!!

You AIN’T alone. It just seems that way.

Thinking positive is a 'female-dog'! But I will tell you a secret… sometimes it works. I started writing because I had stories to tell. I started drawing because these images needed to get out of my mind. I was told that my writing sucked and my art could be better. I did them both… anyway!!

Every time I wrote something new, it became better than the one before it. The complaints became less and the content became stronger. Soon, it got to the point that my failing was not as simple as, ‘I couldn’t write’, but that my content COULD be stronger… and then later, it could be articulated better… and then later, it was not quite there, and then later, I had some great material, but I wasn’t consistent.

I learned that I was supposed to be friends with challenge and disagreement, because they provided me with another chance to shine. A person that has never failed can’t REALLY enjoy achievement.

Remember, being on the bottom SUCKS!!! But you were given something that the dead wishes for every day; you were given LIFE!!! It’s up to you to make something out of it, no matter how much it kicks you in the face!

“Life is too short, not to live!!”

[Omen]

This also reminds me of "The Darkness" poem in the 'Showcase Your Work' section.

[RisingPhoenix]

Thank you so much for your encouragement. I try to put one foot in front the other and take each day at a time. I think my next writing will be about regret. Something interesting happened today that makes me want to right about the shoulda woulda coulda's lol. Thanks again.

[John Reid]

When one is suffering the last thing one wants to hear is someone spout some platitudes at them...but in such a medium as this, words are all we have to offer. So I offer the following not as a solution to your problems but only as a verbal life safer tossed out to the voice I hear drowning in the dark sea of despair. These are not original but gleened from various sources and although I know you already know all of this sometimes it helps to hear it from an outside source.

The Universe is my way
Love is my law
Peace is my shelter
Conscience is my guide
Experience is my school
Obtacle is my lesson
Difficulty is my stimulant
Pain is my warning
Work is my blessing
Adversary is my teacher
Struggle is my opportunity
Perfection is my goal
Oneness with the universe is my destiny.

Remember that the earth is our school and daily life is our classroom. Our teachers appear in many forms. Experience is not only the best teacher it is really the only teacher. We learn best through direct experience. Failures are stepping stones to success. Lessons reappear until we learn them. If we don't learn easy lessons, they get harder. Consequences teach better than concepts. Only action brings ideas to life. We can control efforts, but not outcomes. Timing is everything. What goes around, comes around. Little things can make a big difference. Play to your strengths. To transform you life, change your expectations. Judge with compassion. Life develops what it demands. Every choice leads to wisdom. Life moves in cycles. All things change. Be gentle with yourself. Trust the process of your life. Let kindness be your guide. We are all in this together and finally my favorite...

If you want to make God laugh, tell him your plans.

These are not solutions only guidelines I try to live by. You mention the crippling hormonal imbalance that makes everything that happens to you seem ten times worse. The universe gave you this handicap because you are a tough nut to crack. This is your cross to bear to make your lessons harder so that when you do learn them you will never forget them. All of these problems and pain you are going through are ultimately for your own good, even though when we are in the throughs of them they seem like a punishment. They are not.

One last platitude...
It's not how many times life knocks you to the canvass that counts. It's how many times you get back up.

Peace be with you my friend
Knight-Hood

[The Muse]

As you can see, my friend...

WE want you here...and WE will listen.

[RisingPhoenix]

Thank you both. I have been down for a little bit sorry about that. Hey, but plenty to write about. That is why I am the Phoenix. I keep rising. I feel I have died a thousand life times. But only a month has gone by. Lol! Thanks again.