How the Shallow man judges the depth of a woman!

[Omen]

Welcome to a crappy new line of posts that fall under my Player's series on how to use the rules of 'The Game' to enrich the characters in your story.

(disclaimer - some of this is inevitably going to rub some of you the wrong way... forgive me... don't throw rocks at me when you see me... pleeze...)

Male characters are inherently shallow beasts primarily led by instinct. They are roughly broken into 3 major categories when addressing this concept:

Men who fight instinct or try to understand it - The Intellectuals
Men who have no blasted idea - The Lost
Men who embrace instinct as a religion and live by the thought of war, women, cars, and beer - They are called, 'The Remaining Ninety-Eight Percent'.

Men tend to be visual creatures first... uh, visual creatures second... and uh, visual creatures last... wait-wait, there's something wrong with this equation...

Sometimes when a man blinks, he is no longer visually driven and he becomes, what is known as 'thought provoked'. This lasts until the darkening experience of a blink ends and then they become visual once again. Hence the term, 'Blink of an eye'.

As you can now surmise... all men are NOT shallow.

Men judge women based on the 10-point universal concept. Even male aliens from distant galaxies follow this scale (somethings may be slightly different based on their physical make ups, y'know like wings, gills, tentacles, and stuff).

Face - cuteness, attractiveness, can I show my friends and 'familiness'. For men, makeup should be used to enhance natural beauty. Men judge women, quietly, based on the 'morning after' theory in which the look of the woman in the morning, before she wakes up affects whether or not she should be considered a 'Keeper'.

Women who use makeup to create a complete 'mask' for their natural features are viewed by sterotypical males as playthings never intended to be Keepers.

In a story, this is a GREAT tool for use when trying to distinguish the natural beauty of your main character as opposed to the superficial attractiveness of a promiscuous friend.


Breast - size dictates acceptable lifestyle and potential for motherhood. If small, you might have to deal with the classic outdoors sports girl (on the positive side)... OR on the negative side, she can be the resentful, angry at all men for treating the larger breast women better than her - type of female.

Large breast tend to receive more attention over the life of the character often making it so she doesn't have to strive so hard. Because many things are being done for her by others. She might embrace being 'bubbly', sexy, flirtatious, or non-active in someway physical because of the boucing issue, unless it is enhancing her sexiness.

Stomach/General Size - This is also associated with the general build and size of the woman. It separates the terms 'Thick' and Fat. If the breasts and hips are larger than the stomach, a woman is affectionately referred to as 'Thick'. If the belly is larger than both she drifts towards the term Fat.

Each of these can have a major impact on the psych of your character. A 'thick' female character receives not only the stereotypes as the large breasted woman, but it is combined with the limitation of the type of male characters in the story that are attracted to her. This creates great potential for storytelling when challenging the norm of the skinny-beautiful woman getting the rough-handsome male lead.

Butt/Hips - This is the 'goldmine' for the modern age. The battle over the butt has had a MAJOR impact generationally, because it was taught for decades that it was bad. Today, it SELLS! It sells SO well that now many women are getting operations in order to gain the attention and favor that comes with owning such a precious fruit (oop, I'm acting like a male again).

Hips feed the subconscious instinct in men. Wide hips are received as attractive because somehow it correlates to child rearing and motherhood. This is also why shapeliness is SOOOO eternally seductive.

Legs - This is a powerful introduction tool for female characters. Legs are used as a resource to convey stature to a reader/viewer while delivering small nuances about them by how well they are kept; clean shaven and oiled as opposed to hairy and dry... tight and smooth, as opposed to the opposite.

Each of these catagories are rated betweeon 0 and 2 points, with the best being 2-points.

Now for the BONUS POINTS!!! Here's where the blinking of a male's eyes occur and depth is born!!

The last 'secret' entry a male includes for judgement is PERSONALITY! It is also rated on the scale of 0 to 2 points but it is NOT required (sad, hunh...).

Now lets put this all together. Remember, NO woman is perfect and flaws are what make a character interesting.

FACE
BREAST
STOMACH/GENERAL SIZE
BUTT/HIPS
LEGS
These Maxed out total: 10 Points

(bonus) PERSONALITY

By having your female characters rated, it helps by adding to your content each time that she enters an area populated with males. You not only have an idea of what they're thinking, but also have an idea of how they will 'respond' to her comments and motions. By making the masses of men react in a certain and... uh, realistic manner, it can help with filtering out the uniqueness of your main male character which 'SHOWS' the reader why your lead female is attracted to him instead of you as the writer... 'TELLING' the reader that she is attracted to him.

Feel free to add to this, if you have ideas.

-Omen

[clavis4hire]

All of these factors are true. I try to stay on course of were the story is going though. You can have a beautiful illustration of a woman. But the end result is the story. All of these points do shed light on what sells though.

[Omen]

I agree, CLAVIS... I began as an artist and kind of 'fell' into writing. When ever I practice my storytelling and word-craft I try to identify the 'norms' then BREAK them. It's rough sometimes because you have to balance it with what is excepted.

-Omen

[menaherann]

you are revealing trade secrets!
sir, i must remind you that we have disciplinary measures in place for such unauthorized disclosure of information, specially regarding operating procedures that put us at a certain risk..
You have been warned, Omen

No, in all seriousness, this is a great tool to enhance the interaction between characters in a story, for this apply ALL THE TIME. and details like this increase immersion for it makes the setting consistent, and immersion=gooooooodd!!!

[inzala]

Omen, you have a great structure there, I see where you are going with this... but you have to venture over to see what a woman sees - when she sees a woman to describe her as well. Lets look at this from a woman's view...

FACE: Is it round and flat like Christina Ricci? Does she lure you in with almond eyes as Penelope Cruz or ever so classic Sophia Loren? Is she one step (or a few) toward trashy?

BREASTS: Are they Real or Really Fake? Do they look as if they can hold up on their own or would they go well past her belly button once her bra comes off? Or in the middle, you can tell at one time they were awesome, now their sorta... there... Are they soo huge they gibble with she walks? Are they so crazy big from plastic enhancements they don't move at all?

TummY area... almost as the same as above ^^^ gibble when walking? mini 6pac as a TriAth? Innie or outtie? does it look like she eats what food eats or does it look like she hit the burger joint for Brk/Lun/Din? Does it look as if she use to be able to fit a size 7 - but not in a long time???

Bottom--- you can have that - I'm not even going there! I'd say I'm more old school... don't what to know-don't need to know about the bottom!

The latter of what you stated of women's legs - every womans nightmare! Cellulite, Spider Veins, Vericose Veins, Stetch Marks (PLEASE NOTE - what you see with the leg goes with the BottoM. If she has Cottage Cheese Legs, she'll have a Cottage Cheese Butt. The leg also goes the foot. Is she additctied to wearing 8' F-Me Pumps that when she takes her shoes off her toes seem to be in the begining statges of Foot Binding as you see the elderly ladies at the store with their open toes sandles with matching little nylon sock? Toes crooked, busted, all piled on top of each other (end stage of what woman's feet look like after years of those pointy shoes MEN LOVE 2 C WOMAN IN--- !!) Cause those shoes HURT - I don't care what any one says about them being comfortable! Are her feet flat, wide, no arch, long toes, short toes, average toes, ...

that is just what a woman sees...

You did forget her HAIR. is she bald, mohawk, short tom boy, mullet, curls, frizz, matted, grunge, punk, princess (high maintenance), or I don't care about my hair... and proud to say I cut it MYself! -- hair???

By the way... my man is fully happy with my wide tan feet cause all I wear are flops - I refuse to suffer for someones elses pleasure!

[Omen]

er... uhm... Inzala, that was BRUTAL! I thought I was rough, but... I submit proudly when I face something as strong as that breakdown.

In Sociology, there were some numbers presented from a survey that show that Women judge Women harder than Men. After reading this... it is solidified in my mind.

Men usually split women into 2 major categories and call it a day:

1. Our woman - also known as 'girlfriend, main-squeeze, wifey, significant other, etc'

2. All Others - this is where the 'other' woman falls in, along with the tramps, lust-muffins, bad-girls, etc.

Men are more tolerant with the first category, physically, because we have feelings for them. They are less tolerant for the others because each one serves a specific purpose; its that 'purpose' that is a mystery to the opposite sex. Some purposes are obvious (such as sex or flattery) while some are deeper (acceptance, support, advise).

The 'purpose' dictates how hard we judge. You don't care about spider-veins (or whatever you call those things) when you seek wisdom from one of your closest female friends... but you might if you are seeking sex with her.

nope, cancel that... our desires aren't necessarily THAT complex. We can probably go with the idea of a woman that breathes air... yea! yea! That a GREAT filtering tool!!!

Men want sex with women that breath air FIRST and FOREMOST, then after that we become selective!! I also find myself attracted to women with eyeballs, toes, and heartbeats!!!

SOOOO sexy!!!

[menaherann]

after judging each comment carefully i have to say that if this were Mortal Kombat i would have to say: Inzala wins : BRUTALITY!!
End of Line

[The Muse]

Imzala you are exactly correct! HA! We do judge other woment that way too... Sadly ourselves as well. Omen....*sigh* some people just never DO change do they? *grin* I meant guys in general of course ....hehehehe

Seriously....how is this for a scarey thought boys?

Women look at men in a similar (if lesser) manner. We notice when those clothes were thrown back on without being washed, the gross black stuff that accumulates under guys fingernails. We can tell when you just threw on deoderant and/or fragrance to coverup the fact that you hadnt showered....

And here is a REAL eyeopener...

You know that funny kinda icky smell that some elderly people get? Its BODY OIL...the smell of which accumulates when they dont bathe.....and that smell is the same regardless of age....so when you skip the showers fellas....you begin to take on THAT smell....so you could be 25, young and hot looking...and smell like you were 102!

BUT! This is a really useful thing to keep in mind! when you are writing about unsavory characters dont forget the olfactory imagery! Some of the best writings always give you the full pictures of what you see, hear, TOUCH and SMELL! A good example would be the "fragrance description" of a veteran sailor on a tall masted ship....

"His frame was hunched and spare. His clothes had long faded to a non-descript shade of gray and hung in shreds and tatters. The sun had changed his skin to leather, dried and shrunken, dark with exposure to the elements. Thin, greasy, lank hair, unkempt, uncut strayed into his eyes. As he squinted and spat into the water he gave a deep exhale of fetid breathe that hinted of last nights rum and the rot of the black stubs of teeth. The breeze from shore swirled about him, carrying the scents of promise, the village had women. Just the thought of it raised the heat in his body, adding to the smell on the breeze the stench of filth.

He looked down at his bare feet, hard and cracked from years of being exposed to the elements, and wondered about the length of the walk to the village that night......"

Be imaginative....smells add sooo much to rounding out your stories!

[The Muse]

ugh....so sorry Inzala...just realized I misspelt your name...

[inzala]

Omen --> domesticgoddess is right... at times, we only see other woman in comparison for what we want or don't want within our selves. It is hard to compete with air brush, fake nails, fake hair, fake eye lashes... fake, Fake, FAKE!

It is rare when either Male or Female truly sees one from with in and to be at peace with themselves. But it sure feels good when it happens.

Not to be Brutal... but if one saw the girl like this one.....

She sat at the bar with head in her hand. She glances, only to look away, as a few young collage guys come in to play some pool. You can see a glimpse of her carefree youth from her chipped neon green nail polish on her fingers and toes. Her skin layered with grease and grime, not showered in days, she won't see one for weeks. She spits as she coughs the gray blue smoke from the cigarette butts she's collected that morning. Her head slips from her hand, mid swig from her cheap gin and tonic. Her grubbie, matted, yellow hair sweeps the bar. She hasn't seen the girl she knew years ago, she has forgotten what she looks like. Dreams of flowers, candles, and the man who's going to take her away from the stale small town. That girl is lost, never to be found. The streets took her long ago. The Talons of the Undesirable have her and hold to what she has become.

Q: If a man saw that ... which category would she fall under?
A: The Undesirable category

Women can be brutal, as per what a man may think brutal is... but a woman would say 'That's just how it is' When a man goes out to dinner with their girl, the server might be one Hottie Boom-Boddie.. but awful server. The man will (attempt) to give a 20% + tip based on looks. The woman over looks her 'Check my ass out so I get a better tip even though I suck as a server' appearance and has the final say on what the % of the tip is. ((so word to the wise... be nice to the lady at the table, she is the Boss of Him))

----> domesticgoddess - no worries on miss spelling my name.
I fully believe smell has a huge impact on description. My friend went to India and posted her photos. They were from a small village, great shots, but I wanted the full effect and asked what it smelled like! Smells change everything they way stories, worlds or people are expressed through words.

----> manaherann - which Mortal Combat fighter would I be?

[Omen]

One of my friends read this for their first time and shared it with their overseas friends. Now its spreading like wildfire...

For some 'strange' reason, I feel guilty for aiding the crumbling stereotypes that are created about Americans.

I figure the only way to solve this, is to get this message into alien hands as quick as possible!!

I'm forwarding this link to NASA!!! (and NOW my conscience is clean)

-Omen

[justsarah]

Well like, one woman my character Otis falls in love with in the beginning of Life Of The Spider, is often described simple as: She was a thin type, with curly blonde hair, baby blue eyes, and a butt you could sink your teeth into. Sometimes she wore clothes that would not leave much to the imagination, and other times would dress like your adverage colledge girl.

Don't I have the hardest time describing pretty girls.^_-

[The Muse]

justsarah...check out the sections of the forum about character building. We also have some great resources to help with worldbuilding too. But the resources can get you over any bumps with descriptions.
;D
Happy Writing!

[Omen]

...did JustSarah say, '...a butt you can sink your teeth into'?

SHEESH... how is one supposed to take something like that? If I say its sexy, does that make me a potential cannibal?

I'm sitting up here thinking about bisquits-n-gravy - cream danishes - cotton candy - and Jeffery Dahmer!

I guess that's a full 2-point booty that he's describing, no personality needed!

[The Muse]

*throws up her hands and walks away*

[John Reid]

Ok time for my two cents. If we are talking basic psychology of the male species there are some facts that need to be addressed.

To begin with everyone starts out female in the womb. Female is the natural state, but in order to perpetuate the species nature deforms an X chromosome to create a Y chromosome and creates a rooster.

Now a rooster's entire being us geared for one act, feritizing the eggs. That sadly is really all he is for.

From puberty until death he is bombarded by his hormones that pressure him constantly to get in there and fertilize those eggs. It's a form of madness that women do not truly understand.

Ladies, be glad that you are female. Every woman I have ever known laments her own hormones and the cycle they must endure, but at least at some point you may take some gratification in the knowledge that they will eventually end.

Not so for us. Even if a man lives to be 101 and falls through a plate glass window he will still have sexual thoughts about the female EMT on the way to the hospital.

Long long past the age when he can still catch females he will still desire them with the same urgency that a teenage boy feels. He must spend what should be the retirement years always feeling like a hungry dog looking in a butcher shop window.

Woman are far less complicated creatures. If you'll forgive the vulgar terminology, they have two sets of lips but only one voice. Men however are two headed creatures. These two heads are at eternal war with each other. This is because the smaller head down below has no conscience.

It really does not care if the object of desire is the little girls selling girl scout cookies at your door, your own sister or even in some cases your mother, your best friend's wife or whoever?

Perverse thoughts bubble up from down below and enter our thoughts, dreams and day dreams. Thoughts that make you want to take your brain out and scrub it under the sink with soap and water. Even the best of us.

Women do not know what it is like to be sexually attracted to someone you can't stand personally.

Now getting back to those 3 types of males. They come down to how we deal with such thoughts.

Some rise above them. They recognize them for what they are and choose to follow the head with the conscience.

Ladies have no idea though how much will power that takes? Take the black widow spider for example. The male is much smaller than the female and after mating she eats him. Most females no doubt think that he is unaware of what will occur but as a male allow me to tell you that he knows full well. But to him she is the most beautiful thing he has ever seen and he would rather die than live on without mating with her.

That is how strong these desires are. More powerful even than the self preservation instinct.

This is why most males (The 98% already mentioned) end up cheating on their wives, getting divorced, or getting thrown in prison because she was under 18. He does not even understand himself. He only knows he can't help himself and is constantly feeling remorse for his actions.

Regarding the choosing of the female mates strictly based on their looks. This too is primal. Very deep within his subconscious the male is drawn to those with the clearest skin and brightest smiles because he is seeking the healthiest female he can find to reproduce with. He is not even aware that that is the reason of course, but that is what is going on psychologically?

Females however psychologically are seeking a mate who can provide them with the most secure nest to raise their offspring. This is why a 65 year old executive will have a better chance with a cheerleader for the Dallas Cowboys than will a 21 year old stud who works at McDonalds. It's not because women are gold diggers like some men think. It's because of their subconscious seeking the best provider for their offspring.

Now when it comes to writing and developing characters, it's hard for males to write about female characters and vice versa if they do not understand the psychology of the opposite gender.

Ok I hope you all took notes. There will be a quiz later.
Knight-Hood

[The Muse]

*cheering*

Hooray! That was WONDERFUL!

We actually got into a discussion on another thread about how hard it is to write a character of the opposite sex from the author.

I need to go back and find that thread so I can share it with you.

[The Muse]

FOUND IT! It is in the Character building section. The thread is called Male/Female Protagonist. Knighthood you might also want to give your two cents on another thread in the same section: Where are you in HIS car? Its quite interesting.

[Omen]

Smart people make my head hurt and Knight-Hood is giving me a headache!! I love what he wrote because it gave that intelligent beast side to the primal shallow thingy we have going on here.

Its amazing because us shallow guys work on the basic 10-point system when it comes to judging wome... wait... did I just say 'US'?!? What I meant was... shallow men work on the petty-lowlife-simple-minded 10-point system.

While 'US' deep thinking, compassionate, caring, and... er... thoughtful men rate women on a 100 point scale in which we include important components such as personality type, enriching conversation, religious preferances, the companionship we hope to bring them, and all of that other mushy stuff!

See - I'm not shallow!! I'm not shallow!! I like human women!! ;D

Unless of course, if its a REALLY cute alien... then, 'YES' I would consider an alien. Maybe a Vulcan or one of those dancing green stripper girls from Star Wars that performed for Jabba the Hutt! (Hair wasn't on the list was it, because I think she had tentacles... but we can work around that with counseling. Her body was bangin' though!)

uh... I'm NOT shallow, I tellya!!

[The Muse]

*rolls her eyes and looks for something to throw at Omen.....*