Post by wookiee on Jul 24, 2013 23:10:21 GMT -5
Well, here's chapter 1, again, constructive criticism is more than welcome. Enjoy! 
Chapter 1: 1 week earlier
It is a very overcast and rainy day at the RDF headquarters. Personnel of varying rank walked the hallways on whatever assignment they were given. Lt. Daniel Simmons was called here for matters that he was yet to be informed of. He was a greenhorn fresh from the academy and the only reason he even made Lieutenant was due to his exemplary performance as squad leader during a training exercise when the observing Sargent tripped and hit his head on a survival mission.
“The General will see you now.”
He was shaken out of his musings when the secretary spoke. He stood up and entered the office and stood at attention and gave a salute.
“Lt. Daniel Simmons reporting for duty Sir!” he said.
“At ease Lieutenant” said the general, “Have a seat.”
“Thank you sir.” Simmons said.
“The reason I called you here is because I have an assignment for you.” said the general as he turned to face Daniel.
“What would that be sir?” He asked.
“I am assigning you to Raven squad within the espionage division. You will be given further orders upon reporting in there.”
Daniel nearly fell out of his seat upon hearing this. The espionage division is where the best of the best get assigned.
“With all due respect sir, but why me? Surely there is someone more qualified than me to do this.” Daniel said.
“You passed every test the academy threw at you in the top percentile and you survived three days in the forest with an injured commanding officer and you were promoted to Lieutenant, all before graduating from the academy. As of right now, you are the most qualified person available to be assigned to this group.”
This surprised Daniel, he never thought he did that well, most of the time he had a hard time keeping up with the other soldiers.
“Your orders are to report in to the Espionage division at 0800 hours tomorrow in Celeste city. Understood soldier?”
Daniel stood up and saluted. “Yes Sir!”
“Dismissed”
Daniel took the envelope containing his orders and headed towards the airfield, making his way to the RSS Hawk, a small high speed schooner meant for passenger travel. He walks up the gangplank, makes his way to the first class cabin, and settles into his seat, pulling out the small table in the seat in front of him so that he can review the envelope the General gave him.
The first few pages was just a long, drawn out notice of transfer, but the words: “Raven Squad Dossiers: DECLASSIFIED” caught his eye. He sets the remaining stack down and begins to flip through the pages, his eyes darting over each page. The one thing he noticed was the lack of names and ranks on the sheet, the only thing there was a gender and call sign next to a position within the squad.
“Squad leader: Male, call sign Fade. Information Analyst: Female, call sign Snitch. Senior Field Operative: Female, call sign Whisper. Field Operative 1: Male, call sign: Phantom.”
This was all that was written on the first page, the rest of the dossier was page after page of declassified mission reports that was more red ink than words and then a list of support staff that worked within the Espionage Division's headquarters.
He looks up from his papers and notices that it was already night out and that they were speeding along the clouds. He slips the pages back into his envelope before looking out the porthole, watching the world speed by as he drifts off into sleep.
Chapter 1: 1 week earlier
It is a very overcast and rainy day at the RDF headquarters. Personnel of varying rank walked the hallways on whatever assignment they were given. Lt. Daniel Simmons was called here for matters that he was yet to be informed of. He was a greenhorn fresh from the academy and the only reason he even made Lieutenant was due to his exemplary performance as squad leader during a training exercise when the observing Sargent tripped and hit his head on a survival mission.
“The General will see you now.”
He was shaken out of his musings when the secretary spoke. He stood up and entered the office and stood at attention and gave a salute.
“Lt. Daniel Simmons reporting for duty Sir!” he said.
“At ease Lieutenant” said the general, “Have a seat.”
“Thank you sir.” Simmons said.
“The reason I called you here is because I have an assignment for you.” said the general as he turned to face Daniel.
“What would that be sir?” He asked.
“I am assigning you to Raven squad within the espionage division. You will be given further orders upon reporting in there.”
Daniel nearly fell out of his seat upon hearing this. The espionage division is where the best of the best get assigned.
“With all due respect sir, but why me? Surely there is someone more qualified than me to do this.” Daniel said.
“You passed every test the academy threw at you in the top percentile and you survived three days in the forest with an injured commanding officer and you were promoted to Lieutenant, all before graduating from the academy. As of right now, you are the most qualified person available to be assigned to this group.”
This surprised Daniel, he never thought he did that well, most of the time he had a hard time keeping up with the other soldiers.
“Your orders are to report in to the Espionage division at 0800 hours tomorrow in Celeste city. Understood soldier?”
Daniel stood up and saluted. “Yes Sir!”
“Dismissed”
Daniel took the envelope containing his orders and headed towards the airfield, making his way to the RSS Hawk, a small high speed schooner meant for passenger travel. He walks up the gangplank, makes his way to the first class cabin, and settles into his seat, pulling out the small table in the seat in front of him so that he can review the envelope the General gave him.
The first few pages was just a long, drawn out notice of transfer, but the words: “Raven Squad Dossiers: DECLASSIFIED” caught his eye. He sets the remaining stack down and begins to flip through the pages, his eyes darting over each page. The one thing he noticed was the lack of names and ranks on the sheet, the only thing there was a gender and call sign next to a position within the squad.
“Squad leader: Male, call sign Fade. Information Analyst: Female, call sign Snitch. Senior Field Operative: Female, call sign Whisper. Field Operative 1: Male, call sign: Phantom.”
This was all that was written on the first page, the rest of the dossier was page after page of declassified mission reports that was more red ink than words and then a list of support staff that worked within the Espionage Division's headquarters.
He looks up from his papers and notices that it was already night out and that they were speeding along the clouds. He slips the pages back into his envelope before looking out the porthole, watching the world speed by as he drifts off into sleep.
)Getting a good, strong story flow, with a good pace and logical progression is more important right off the bat. 
